pushing past the crowd and reaching for intimacy

so...I don't really know where to start or how to say what i want to say... So I’m just gona write and hopefully some of what I’m trying to say will make sense.

When I was in Mexico a couple weeks ago, I had this dream and in it, I was waiting at the airport to get on my plane. As I stood in line, a crazy little old lady came up to me and began to beg me not to get on the plane, stating very confidently that the plane was going to crash and I would die. At first I just kind of laughed at her and reassured her that that wasn’t going to happen, but then thoughts of fear began to enter my mind and I began to question "What if it really does crash" and "what if she is right".So a battle in my head began trying to figure out of I should really get on the plane...I reasoned if I didn't I would lose the ticket and have to pay for another one...but if I did and the lady was right, I would die. Suddenly in my dream, my life on earth was paused and "I" was taken up to heaven a stood before God. I don't even know how to explain it...but I began to ask God if I really was going to die and when He said yes, I began to make excuses...I had a whole list of stupid reasons why I couldn't die yet like: " I haven't done enough", " I want to reach more souls" "I still need to fix my relationship with this person".
After a certain time of "reasoning" with God, and giving Him all my pleas and excuses, God asked me one simple question that shattered me...

He asked me: "Jesse, How much do you truly know me? "

With this simple question, I was broken...the longing in God's eyes shattered me…I was hit with a revelation of how little I know Him. I began to weep at his feet...
I have no way to explain the rest of the dream...but I came to the realization that even if God gave me a whole life time it would never be enough to know Him. I had been so caught up in trying to serve Him; I didn't take time to KNOW Him. I know so little of Christ's heart...and in reality that's the only thing that matters...we where created by Him, for him. And if at the end of the day we didn't come a little closer to His Heart...the day was meaningless....

And so I came back to the U.S...obviously my plane didn't crash ha...and about a week later I was introduced by the song "healer" by planet shakers( compliments of matt, the song is on his blog you should check it out)....moved and broken by the lyrics and the story behind it... I had been listening to the song over and over again all week when I walked into Andy’s office and he was like "dude you got to listen to this song it's amazing" ...and he began to play 'healer'...He then continued to tell me about the story behind it and we began to talk about the woman in the bible who had the "issue" of blood...and how we all have issues...the problem isn't the issue itself, the problem is the crowd. The "issue" didn't keep the woman from getting her miracle, it was the crowd. And dude...the crowd can be anything: fear, pain, disappointment, Relationships we still hold on to, weariness, confusion, despair, broken dreams...but the question is are we willing to push past the crowd and reach for His mantle...to be willing to seek Him with all we are...to raise above the ordinary...and fight for intimacy with God...to live our life worthy of the call...will we give God all the despair we hold inside and let Him turn it into desperation for Him?

I don’t know if any of this made sense…but that is my heart…to know God more each day…to be so desperate for him that I am willing to take a stand and push past the crowd and reach intimacy with Him like none other…